I appologize ahead of time for the long read.
This thread is in responce to some of the things I have been reading around here on my favorite forum. I would like to pass on some of my own feelings in one topic and possibly encourage some mending to take place. I would like to try to offer the opprtunity for some people to step up and say they were "out of line" and move past it. I also apologize because I know this is going to sound a bit "preachy". If you dont like "Soap Box" speeches then just move along...but if you dont mind a little reading please, by all means, continue...
Tolerance (from Latin - indulgence), the capacity for respecting the opinion, religion or behavior of others. Tolerance is a social, cultural and religious term applied to the collective and individual practice of not persecuting those who may believe, behave or act in ways of which one may not approve.
When I was a younger man I used to argue passionately about just about any topic I saw as contrary to my beliefs. I somehow felt it was necessary to try to change peoples opinion on things, that somehow it was my duty to make them think like I did. I was pretty well known for being a confrontational person. It was great for people when I was on their side, but they generally didnt want to be "across the table" from me. After a very serious motorcycle accident I had alot of time to think and I began to reflect on my life. I realized that I didnt have many friends. I had a couple close ones, but almost no aquaintences that would call me up or invite me to things or go out of their way to involve me in their lives. I came to realize that the reason for this was because I tended to start trouble. I realized I was emotionally draining on my friends. From that point on I have tried to adopt a policy of tolerance.
First of all let me say, being tolerant does not mean you have to be a push over. You can stand up for what you believe in. Typically being tolerant means that you dont start the arguement. Its ok to voice your opinion, its even ok to voice it in the strongest possible terms (I have done that here in other topics). What isnt ok is thinking that its your job to change the other persons opinion on a subject. In fact, adopting a truely tolerant attitude means its your job to see the other persons side. The saying "walk a mile in his shoes" is very helpful in this situation if you REALLY put some effort into it. Take some time to try to understand where they are coming from. What led them to believe this way? If you can do that without being judgemental then you can find a way to truely understand other people. Understanding other people makes it WHOLE LOT easier to accept your own belief system.
Tolerance does not always mean acceptance, although acceptance can be a powerful tool in the war on hatred. If I have taken the time to "walk a mile in your shoes" and have come to have some understanding of where you are coming from, it makes it far easier to accept that your views are based on your personal experience. Accepting that others are different from you and allowing them the freedom to BE different will make it far easier to be tolerant.
In a recent thread about smoking in public it was said to me "Dude, its a shared planet". That is absolutely correct, and as I see it the only way to live in this world and not go crazy is to be tolerant. I have to learn to be tolerant of people who look down on me for being a smoker, but they in turn SHOULD be tolerant of my choice to smoke. The problem is there is in fact a fine line between being tolerant and allowing someone to take away your personal freedoms. There is a point at which we all need to draw a line in the sand. Unfortunately that line in the sand can become blurred in the heat of the battle, and what started out as a protection of my own personal freedoms now becomes a battle to take away yours. I never said being tolerant was easy, its not!
Ive watched JoelW Melt down on here regarding politcal viewpoints, and while I share his opinion I have made the choice NOT to engage in battle over it. The reason I wont is not because I dont feel strongly about it. Its because I find there comes a point where it gets personal and my feeling is that life is far too short to waste more than a second of MY time trying to change someone else. My time is far better spent trying to make MYSELF a better person.
One of the things that I find most interesting when dealing with an unreasonable person is that most of the time they are projecting on you the faults they see in themselves but are unable to accept. Its very easy to blame someone else, and very difficult to accept that blame yourself. People often hate you for what they see they have as a fault within themselves. Learning to recognize this can go a long way towards learning to be tolerant of them.
Off topic has become something of a flame fest recently, but I personaly find it has become my favorite place on this forum. While I come here for the information sharing on supras as well, I find that this is a very special community and one Im proud to be a part of. I do NOT take anything said here personally...at least until someone attacks me personally, which hasnt happened. I have however seen others do it, at least twice they were Mods. Are mods somehow other than human? No, they are people just like everyone else on this forum and have the right to be jus that. I try to ignore the color of someones handle in off topic because I think its important for everyone to have a place to speak their mind. However, personal attacks should not be tolerated by anyone...mod or not. Its not my job to police them though, everyone needs to police themselves here. Once again I come back around to tolerance.
In closing try to remember that everyone here is a person just like you. They have virtues and faults just like you. You arent always going to see eye to eye on everything. Learn to accept that other people have opinions that just might not be that same as you. Be tolerant of them, it will go a long way towards peace in the community, and peace in your own heart.
/steps down from soapbox
This thread is in responce to some of the things I have been reading around here on my favorite forum. I would like to pass on some of my own feelings in one topic and possibly encourage some mending to take place. I would like to try to offer the opprtunity for some people to step up and say they were "out of line" and move past it. I also apologize because I know this is going to sound a bit "preachy". If you dont like "Soap Box" speeches then just move along...but if you dont mind a little reading please, by all means, continue...
Tolerance (from Latin - indulgence), the capacity for respecting the opinion, religion or behavior of others. Tolerance is a social, cultural and religious term applied to the collective and individual practice of not persecuting those who may believe, behave or act in ways of which one may not approve.
When I was a younger man I used to argue passionately about just about any topic I saw as contrary to my beliefs. I somehow felt it was necessary to try to change peoples opinion on things, that somehow it was my duty to make them think like I did. I was pretty well known for being a confrontational person. It was great for people when I was on their side, but they generally didnt want to be "across the table" from me. After a very serious motorcycle accident I had alot of time to think and I began to reflect on my life. I realized that I didnt have many friends. I had a couple close ones, but almost no aquaintences that would call me up or invite me to things or go out of their way to involve me in their lives. I came to realize that the reason for this was because I tended to start trouble. I realized I was emotionally draining on my friends. From that point on I have tried to adopt a policy of tolerance.
First of all let me say, being tolerant does not mean you have to be a push over. You can stand up for what you believe in. Typically being tolerant means that you dont start the arguement. Its ok to voice your opinion, its even ok to voice it in the strongest possible terms (I have done that here in other topics). What isnt ok is thinking that its your job to change the other persons opinion on a subject. In fact, adopting a truely tolerant attitude means its your job to see the other persons side. The saying "walk a mile in his shoes" is very helpful in this situation if you REALLY put some effort into it. Take some time to try to understand where they are coming from. What led them to believe this way? If you can do that without being judgemental then you can find a way to truely understand other people. Understanding other people makes it WHOLE LOT easier to accept your own belief system.
Tolerance does not always mean acceptance, although acceptance can be a powerful tool in the war on hatred. If I have taken the time to "walk a mile in your shoes" and have come to have some understanding of where you are coming from, it makes it far easier to accept that your views are based on your personal experience. Accepting that others are different from you and allowing them the freedom to BE different will make it far easier to be tolerant.
In a recent thread about smoking in public it was said to me "Dude, its a shared planet". That is absolutely correct, and as I see it the only way to live in this world and not go crazy is to be tolerant. I have to learn to be tolerant of people who look down on me for being a smoker, but they in turn SHOULD be tolerant of my choice to smoke. The problem is there is in fact a fine line between being tolerant and allowing someone to take away your personal freedoms. There is a point at which we all need to draw a line in the sand. Unfortunately that line in the sand can become blurred in the heat of the battle, and what started out as a protection of my own personal freedoms now becomes a battle to take away yours. I never said being tolerant was easy, its not!
Ive watched JoelW Melt down on here regarding politcal viewpoints, and while I share his opinion I have made the choice NOT to engage in battle over it. The reason I wont is not because I dont feel strongly about it. Its because I find there comes a point where it gets personal and my feeling is that life is far too short to waste more than a second of MY time trying to change someone else. My time is far better spent trying to make MYSELF a better person.
One of the things that I find most interesting when dealing with an unreasonable person is that most of the time they are projecting on you the faults they see in themselves but are unable to accept. Its very easy to blame someone else, and very difficult to accept that blame yourself. People often hate you for what they see they have as a fault within themselves. Learning to recognize this can go a long way towards learning to be tolerant of them.
Off topic has become something of a flame fest recently, but I personaly find it has become my favorite place on this forum. While I come here for the information sharing on supras as well, I find that this is a very special community and one Im proud to be a part of. I do NOT take anything said here personally...at least until someone attacks me personally, which hasnt happened. I have however seen others do it, at least twice they were Mods. Are mods somehow other than human? No, they are people just like everyone else on this forum and have the right to be jus that. I try to ignore the color of someones handle in off topic because I think its important for everyone to have a place to speak their mind. However, personal attacks should not be tolerated by anyone...mod or not. Its not my job to police them though, everyone needs to police themselves here. Once again I come back around to tolerance.
In closing try to remember that everyone here is a person just like you. They have virtues and faults just like you. You arent always going to see eye to eye on everything. Learn to accept that other people have opinions that just might not be that same as you. Be tolerant of them, it will go a long way towards peace in the community, and peace in your own heart.
/steps down from soapbox
