Guy advice

[Tigerkat229]

I dont think they really understand that.... *shrug*... but they're men...

I know I'm probably going against "chic code" by even saying this... but...

Why should he change for her?

Granted, relationships are fifty-fifty and require compromise but if he all the sudden hated something she did...do you really think she'd be all that willing to change for him? I don't know you, so i'm trying to not sound like a totally b*&^@, but I have this situation going on in front of me and if the guy I knew one day told her "hunny...i think you pay more attention to your *whatever* than you do me, and i'd like to change that"...she'd get mad at him for even suggesting it, throw it in his face somehow and never let it go. From then on it would be "i'm gonna go do this...unless of course you dont want me to". (i dont know this chic very well so i dont know what about her he'd complain about)

This chick actually said to me one day "He spends so much money on that car, he'd never spend that money on me"....WTF? why should he? They're not married....she has her own money, if she wants something why cant she buy it herself? why does he have to take care of her?

I don't think that this example applies here, but is it really as bad as your making it sound? you two have been together for a while now (i think i saw three years earlier in the thread) and this is all the sudden a problem? or a problem that has been there that you've ignored? how much "lack of attention" is there really?

Like i said, i'm not trying to be rude, i just dont get this....how can you feel second to a car?

 

[TopSecret]

problems can develop over years. at the beginning it might have been something minor... but now it seems to me it got worse.

i mean, it's not like she's not trying... she is helping, she is supporting him but still he spends 99/ 100% of his time with the car. as far as I understand it, all she wants is to spend time with him, just the two of them... but not working on a car or talking about cars... more stuff like going out and see a movie, have dinner etc blabla.

how can you feel second to a car? when someone you love is spending all his/ her time with the car, "ignoring" you. i've never been there but I can understand it.
just try imagine yourself how it would be when your bf doesnt spend time with you anymore unless its working on a car... imagine all he's talking about is a car... imagine you listening to all that and supporting him but when you want something or you wanna talk about something else, he ignores you...

you know sortof what I mean? and no, you didnt sound rude, kitty.

 

[Satan]

I bet many Supra owners will be VERY happy when someone figures out how to resolve the jealousy/envy issues. We've dealt with them for so long, yet they still happen...

 

[CTsupra]

baby! i thought we talked about this!? you didn't have to come on here and ruin my online reputation!

that's it. when i get home tonight ...oh boy.

 

[meggs521]

Why should he change for her?

That all depends on how much the relationship means to him. No one's saying he has to change. But if his gf is worth it he shuld be willing to make SOME changes so that the relationship can last.

And why does everyone keep attacking her and saying she has no interests? How do any of you know that? Do you know her? Do you see her sitting on the couch all day long bitching about her guy not doing things with her? News flash people- you can have your own interests and still want to hang out with your boyfriend/ girlfriend.

From the sounds of it she doesn't want him to completely give up his interests in cars. My word people. Is is so much for her to wonder why her bf, if he really does care about her, can't take some time away from his interests and spend time with her?

 

[lanky189]

how about this... ask him why he feels the need to spend so much time with/on his car.

then ask him why he feels the need to spend less time with you.


haha..btw...meggs, you gotta realize she's coming to a supra board..we've all been there..we all know/love/obsess over the same car....we're gonna defend our brother...perhaps ignorantly..but we will defend him none the less...

but i see your point also.. who's to say she's doing nothing..expecting him to occupy all her time...it may be that work keeps them apart..and all his free time is spent wrenching...and while i've done that myself in times of need and desperation, it was not easy on the relationship, that being said my gf at the time was understanding..and knew that it wasn't gonna eb that way all the time. I still go to tinker and play and do what i wanted with the supra after it was running but i tried not to let it interefere with my gf's time with me.


its an impossible balance..there will always be room to go more one way..or more another...c'est la vie.

 

[meggs521]

haha..btw...meggs, you gotta realize she's coming to a supra board..we've all been there..we all know/love/obsess over the same car....we're gonna defend our brother...perhaps ignorantly..but we will defend him none the less...

Ya... and it's very obvious from the responses that you're all obsessed car fans...

Try taking a step back and putting yourself in her shoes. Yes, it's a car, but that's not really relevant. The fact that someone you love and care about spends more time and seems more concerned about someone or something hurts whether that thing is human or not.

 

[Adjuster]

Meggs, and any other "you don't spend enough time with me" ladies.

I just went through this myself actually. Like I said, I've been married for 13 years, and known my wife for about 14 and change. The reality is I'm car crazy, and she deals with it. (Usually.)

This past two years has been very tough car wise. I went through 4 engines, and more money than I care to discuss. (She does the books, so she knows full well how much I've spent getting this car running again.)

At the final "push" to get this last motor running, it was taking up all of my free time. Remember, most of us have full time jobs, and this crazy hobby on wheels, so we don't have much "free" time to divvy up between obligations.

It did not help that the shop where I was building the motor pretty much only allowed time for me to work there at night after they had gone home, so I'm working all day at my "real" job, and then till early in the morning on my "hobby".

To conclude, my wife had been feeling neglected for too long, and she let me know it by leaving me with the kids for a day. (Sucks if you have kids. diapers really blow, and I needed to get this dang car done.) So, are we split up? Did we throw away 13+ years for nothing? Nope, she vented the steam, and I got my car done, and everything's hunky-dory again.

So, the moral to this story is, if your "SO" is pre-occupied with his car, let him know you'd like to go out, offer to pay, give him head, or whatever floats your boat, and then go out on the town. Don't bitch about his car, or how much time he's wasted, but keep the topic off the car, and off your bitching about the car, and have a good time. (He's got to agree not to talk about the car either.)

If you decide to split, good luck on finding a guy who does not like cars. Most men, even gay men like cars. The ones that don't are not worth having from what I can see. Some men are less interested in modifying their cars, but get ready for even those men to spend 4000.00 on rims and tires, or the same and more on custom paint jobs. Wait till you meet the guys who like Harley Davidsons... Or boats... Planes? Ever price a used aircraft? Even the cheap'o ones are 30,000.00 or more.

Guys like toys. Powerfull toys. (Women like powerful toys, but that's another subject.. LOL)

Good luck.

 

[meggs521]

Meggs, and any other "you don't spend enough time with me" ladies.

Um... I'm not a "you don't spend enough time with me" lady. I haven't posted anything here complaining about the amount of time my guy spends on his car. I said it used to bother me, but it doesn't anymore. All I've been saying is that I understand where she (Crazy) is coming from.

 

[Tigerkat229]

Um... I'm not a "you don't spend enough time with me" lady. I haven't posted anything here complaining about the amount of time my guy spends on his car. I said it used to bother me, but it doesn't anymore. All I've been saying is that I understand where she (Crazy) is coming from.

Ok wait a minute, now I'm confused....you've been in her situation, dont have a problem with it anymore...did you change boyfriends or your thought process, cause it kinda seems to me from what the guys are saying that those are her only two options.

I talked to a guy im really close friends with tonight about this and agrees with me that you kinda either deal with it or move on. If hes not what she wants...oh well...move on...and i dont feel that anyones blaiming her or saying that she isnt trying, but we also dont get to hear from the guy and that makes this hard, cause you cant just hear one side of a story like this. For all we know, he spends a lot of time with her and she just doesnt like what time he does spend on the car.

 

[meggs521]

Ok wait a minute, now I'm confused....you've been in her situation, dont have a problem with it anymore...did you change boyfriends or your thought process, cause it kinda seems to me from what the guys are saying that those are her only two options.

I never really had a huge problem with it. I never thought he loved his cars more than me, but there were times when I wished he would spend more time with me. But I guess I'd say he changed more then anything. He's still very much into cars (he's a member here and on other forums), but he decided it was more important to him that I felt appreciated and cut back a bit.

For some people, yes you either deal with it or move on. But if the guy really wants his relationship to work then he also needs to make some sacrifices. He can't just expect his girl to deal with it if he's not willing to do anything for her.

And I agree, we don't know the guy's side of the story. But it seems like most people on here just assume that she hasn't even tried to do anything to help the situation and say she has no interests of her own, where as I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt.

 

[Idealsupra]

wtf...i liked this thread better when guys were replying...because it was like 2 or 3 sentences 4 TOPS!

now all the women are replying and its fuckin novels! bleh....

the truth be told...if hes spending ALL his free time with the car....hes either:

a) cheating on you
b) doesnt care about you like he used to
c) doesnt want to be in "relationship mode" anymore
d) all of the above

brutal honest truth....so figure it out....deal with it move on etc.... hard for anyone to help you make decisions when most people are a thousand miles away and dont know all of the story let alone HIS side of the story.

 

[SupraMario]

DAMN STRAIGHT.
1 liners are great to,
like
"Nice shoes, wanna fuck?"

 

[crazy411]

xxx

 

[shaeff]

Yep. Them orange mashmellow thingies. They don't taste like styrofoam, they taste like little bits of heaven.

YEEESSSS!!! :bowdown:

-shaeff

 

[mkiiSupraMan18]

Not all guys like playing with cars!!!

And girls don't like playing with dolls?

 

[siman]

yeah....all those extra long posts are awsome!

Just be happy he has found a hobby. Heck, why are you on this forum anyways if you are worried about a car messing with the relationship!?

-Jonathan

 

[meggs521]

I believe her bf is a member here and she recently joined to get some input on her situation...

 

[Loki]

I believe her bf is a member here and she recently joined to get some input on her situation...

I believe that is the truth.

 

[siman]

......... :naughty: