Critique/Thoughts on a short story?

Kiraush

New Member
Jun 1, 2013
62
0
0
Medford, Oregon, United States
This isn't anywhere near finished, I actually wrote this for a D20 character because my friend talked me into learning to play D&D.
Ended up losing interest, but considering continuing on this story. :)

Curious what you guys think, there's a few run-on sentences and bad punctuation in places that I know of.
More curious what you guys think of the story so far. :D

What a Kobold is

Prologue:
"Hurry Yip! Please keep up!" he shouted as he looked back at her.
"I'm so tired though Kik, I don't know how much longer I can go..." she said gasping for breath as they ran down the narrow mining shafts trying to lose their pursuers.
"You must keep going my love, think of the children!" he exclaimed
She glanced down to two newborn Kobold in her arms, no more than a few days old. She knew he was right, they needed to keep moving, but she was so weak after having them and she refused to let him carry them. He was never one to be trusted with fragile cargo, she had seem him drop things and break them on countless occasions, but she loved him dearly.
They had met a very long time ago, back when they were both young wyrms, and if love at first sight was ever had between two creatures it was when Yip and Kik met.
Kik was out searching for food, as it was his turn to do so for his family, and while searching through a cavern, he looked to his side because he thought he say some fungus growing on a cavern wall and he tripped over something. Whatever he tripped over grunted and Kik drew his crude blade from it's leather sheath he had made from scraps he had not eaten one night.
The thing that had tripped him tried to move but obviously failed at doing so, and then Kik saw it. A faint glimmer, a green one, and it looked so familiar that he had to investigate. He rolled the figure over till it was laying on it's back, and upon a very small inspection he quickly realized what he had tripped over was an Emerald scaled Dragonwrought Kobold just as he was, and as their eyes met a tear fell from her eyes.
"Help m-..." she forced from her empty lungs before closing her eyes and going limp.
He quickly picked her up and scurried back to the small cavern his little family called home, as he ran in through the door he tripped over a rock and as the Kobold started to fall from his arms he pulled her in close to him and rolled so that she landed on top of him and he took the brunt of the impact.
Startled by the sudden intrusion as well as the scene that unfolded before them, the other Kobolds lept to their feet ready to fight, but they grew lax once they realized it was just Kik. Till they noticed the other Kobold with him, a few grabbed spears near them in case things got ugly. Neither of them seemed to be moving so one of the young Kobolds poked Kik with a stick. He lept to his feet and started checking on the girl, he held his hand in front of her mouth to check if she was breathing, after a moment he scurried over to his nest and grabbed a little waterskin. By this time the other Kobold realized there were no threats and broke back up into their groups.
Kik sprinkled a little bit of water on her face, she awoke with a slight start but when her eyes focused on Kik's smiling face she relaxed.
"Here, drink this, it'll help you feel better." Kik said as he uncorked the waterskin.
She opened her mouth as she lay motionless, and Kik poured little mouthfulls of water into her mouth till she stopped opening it back up.
"My name is Kik, you don't need to tell me your name right now but I would love to hear it when you're feeling a little better." he spoke as he made a makeshift bed around her.
Luckily she had landed close enough to the fire that it would help keep her warm, but not so close that she would be in the way of the other Kobolds. Kik walked back over to his nest and jiggled it a little bit to break it free from the ground it had started to meld with, and he scooted it over near Yip. By the time he got his nest moved next to her the other Kobolds were all settling down to go to bed, so he walked over to her and kneeled down to tuck in the piece of cloth he had drapped over her. But as he was doing so he noticed she was still awake, so he learned close to her ear and whispered
"If you need anything or you need help just try to get my attention, I'll sleep lightly."
He backed away a little and she nodded and tried to smile, he returned the smile and crawled into his nest to sleep. A couple hours later Kik woke up to a little bit of rustling and slight whimpering, he sat up quickly and glanced over to where Yip was laying and was instead face to face with her.
"Can I sleep sleep in your nest? It's cold" she said between staggered breaths
"Of course" he said hopping from his nest to help her in, he could see how she moved that her leg was hurt, he just hoped it wasn't so bad that it couldn't wait till everyone was awake and he could find someone to help her. After he got her into the nest he crawled in and positioned himself next to her, close enough to keep her warm but not so close that she might feel uncomfortable.
As he closed his eyes he felt her moving a little bit, he cracked one eye and could see she was scooting closer to him. Once they were right by one another she patted around till she found his hand and drapped it over herself, faking a shiver as if it were just a bit too cold and then drifted off to sleep.