You guys are going to think I make this shit up if my luck continues like this, but I thought I'd type up today's experience. Enjoy!
Yesterday was a clear, hot, and sunny Knoxvillian day. The temperature was about 80 degree's, the sun was shinning, birds were chirping, and all was well in paradise. Well, as you all know, in paradise everyone drives a MKIII supra and takes the top off when it's nice out.
In fear of trapping another wasp in my car as seen HERE(and in fear of my gonads shrinking), I decide I'll be a good citizen of paradise and take my top off and let the sun shine it's wonderful benefits of skin cancer upon my soon-to-be-screaming-from-sunburn face.
I ran a few errands and came home to eat lunch before I had to attend some useless meetings at the university so I parked the 'ol supie in my driveway; my nice, open, nothing-could-possibly-crawl-into-drop-out-of-a-tree-or-any-other-phenomena driveway.
When I come back out from eating I notice a few strands of web on the passenger side where the targa usually sits. I don't really think much of it because I had been seeing those stupid little inch worms that fall from the heavens on a tiny piece of string in very peculiar places.
TODAY I FOUND OUT IT WASN'T AN INCHWORM!!!
So, this morning I'm on my way to school for a wonderful session of Finance when the god of heart attacks decides I haven't had enough excitement in my life. It's raining outside, in the 50's, and by now, I am probably on the most narrow road in Knoxville when movements from inside my car catch my attention. Out of the little crevace where the corner of the window meets the driver's side mirror launches Satan himself....or herself in eight-legged form.
These spindly-legged creatures of the underworld don't appear to enjoy my company very much and they display their comprehension of my fear for them and exploit it with ease. Thoughts of "what to do" flash through my mind as I try to find a freakin' turn off from the road. All I see are private driveways where I'll be shot upon self-admitance so I try to hold out for some of the business shopping centers I know are coming up all too slowly.
Meanwhile, evil on eight legs, stops running on the door panel right where my shoulder is. Of course, I'm f*ckin' hysterical by this point because I don't want to become breakfast for something the size of a quarter and I'm struggling to keep the car on the road.
The multi-legged, demonic murderer suddenly turns around, puts it's ass in the air as to tell me to "f*ck off", and darts back across the door panel and down to the speaker cover. I suddenly realize I don't know which is more terrifying; the spider crawling on my face or crawling up my leg.
I shudder at the thought of having bite marks all up legs, wrecking my car, and/or hurting someone else in the process, but I am now limited to how fast I can approach the business parking lots by an old lady in a Camry. Since I'm still at stock ride height, I conteplate running her old ass over, but reality sets in and I know I'll only manage to put dents and scrapes in my paint.
Finally, I reach the apex of the last big hill on my road and I can finally see the parking lots below me, simultaneously, I notice the spider stop right on the speaker grill.
Scanning my passenger seat for my empty pop tart's wrapper, I spot it, grab it, and try squishing the f*ck out of the agressive intruder. The spider says "WTF?" and evades my attack by dropping to the floormats. "Oh, f*ck!", I say to myself. I couldn't have made a worse decision.
At last, access to a parking lot is upon me and I slide wrecklessly into the vacant lot and prepare my strategy. HAH! Strategy?! The only strategy I have is letting the spider steal my shit, but escape unharmed.
Once again, I subject my car to some evil e-brake action as I pop it in neutral and leap out into the cold, wet parking lot. I search frantically for the miniature starship troopers enemy wannabe only to find it moving under the levers for the hatch and gas cap.
ARGHHH!!! How am I supposed to get the little f*cker now?! If I reach under the levers I'll be a goner for sure so I once again grab the empty pop tart wrapper and wait for my enemy to make it's move.
I wait a good minute in the rain before the little bastard decides he doesn't want to cower in fear at my new-found courage and attempts his escape. The aforementioned god of heart attacks must have decided I had had enough excitement for the day and pushed it's little arachnid ass into plain squishing range on the door sill.
Like Thor's hammer comes down on the mortals of earth, so did my pop tart wrappered fist come down on the treacherous villian web slinger.
With satisfaction, I dumped the enemy corpse onto a stream of water and watched as it disappeared into a storm drain.
Drake: 2 Deadly Bug Assassins: 0
Yesterday was a clear, hot, and sunny Knoxvillian day. The temperature was about 80 degree's, the sun was shinning, birds were chirping, and all was well in paradise. Well, as you all know, in paradise everyone drives a MKIII supra and takes the top off when it's nice out.
In fear of trapping another wasp in my car as seen HERE(and in fear of my gonads shrinking), I decide I'll be a good citizen of paradise and take my top off and let the sun shine it's wonderful benefits of skin cancer upon my soon-to-be-screaming-from-sunburn face.
I ran a few errands and came home to eat lunch before I had to attend some useless meetings at the university so I parked the 'ol supie in my driveway; my nice, open, nothing-could-possibly-crawl-into-drop-out-of-a-tree-or-any-other-phenomena driveway.
When I come back out from eating I notice a few strands of web on the passenger side where the targa usually sits. I don't really think much of it because I had been seeing those stupid little inch worms that fall from the heavens on a tiny piece of string in very peculiar places.
TODAY I FOUND OUT IT WASN'T AN INCHWORM!!!
So, this morning I'm on my way to school for a wonderful session of Finance when the god of heart attacks decides I haven't had enough excitement in my life. It's raining outside, in the 50's, and by now, I am probably on the most narrow road in Knoxville when movements from inside my car catch my attention. Out of the little crevace where the corner of the window meets the driver's side mirror launches Satan himself....or herself
in eight-legged form. These spindly-legged creatures of the underworld don't appear to enjoy my company very much and they display their comprehension of my fear for them and exploit it with ease. Thoughts of "what to do" flash through my mind as I try to find a freakin' turn off from the road. All I see are private driveways where I'll be shot upon self-admitance so I try to hold out for some of the business shopping centers I know are coming up all too slowly.
Meanwhile, evil on eight legs, stops running on the door panel right where my shoulder is. Of course, I'm f*ckin' hysterical by this point because I don't want to become breakfast for something the size of a quarter and I'm struggling to keep the car on the road.
The multi-legged, demonic murderer suddenly turns around, puts it's ass in the air as to tell me to "f*ck off", and darts back across the door panel and down to the speaker cover. I suddenly realize I don't know which is more terrifying; the spider crawling on my face or crawling up my leg.
I shudder at the thought of having bite marks all up legs, wrecking my car, and/or hurting someone else in the process, but I am now limited to how fast I can approach the business parking lots by an old lady in a Camry. Since I'm still at stock ride height, I conteplate running her old ass over, but reality sets in and I know I'll only manage to put dents and scrapes in my paint.
Finally, I reach the apex of the last big hill on my road and I can finally see the parking lots below me, simultaneously, I notice the spider stop right on the speaker grill.
Scanning my passenger seat for my empty pop tart's wrapper, I spot it, grab it, and try squishing the f*ck out of the agressive intruder. The spider says "WTF?" and evades my attack by dropping to the floormats. "Oh, f*ck!", I say to myself. I couldn't have made a worse decision.
At last, access to a parking lot is upon me and I slide wrecklessly into the vacant lot and prepare my strategy. HAH! Strategy?! The only strategy I have is letting the spider steal my shit, but escape unharmed.
Once again, I subject my car to some evil e-brake action as I pop it in neutral and leap out into the cold, wet parking lot. I search frantically for the miniature starship troopers enemy wannabe only to find it moving under the levers for the hatch and gas cap.
ARGHHH!!! How am I supposed to get the little f*cker now?! If I reach under the levers I'll be a goner for sure so I once again grab the empty pop tart wrapper and wait for my enemy to make it's move.
I wait a good minute in the rain before the little bastard decides he doesn't want to cower in fear at my new-found courage and attempts his escape. The aforementioned god of heart attacks must have decided I had had enough excitement for the day and pushed it's little arachnid ass into plain squishing range on the door sill.
Like Thor's hammer comes down on the mortals of earth, so did my pop tart wrappered fist come down on the treacherous villian web slinger.
With satisfaction, I dumped the enemy corpse onto a stream of water and watched as it disappeared into a storm drain.
Drake: 2 Deadly Bug Assassins: 0
