Girlfriend trouble.... help!

[socc924]

Now heres the deal... I live with my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years while im down here in phili going to school. I have slowly been realizing how nasty and selfish of a person she can be. I could go on and on about this, but bottom line is that I cant see a happy future with her. She is just miserable and wont change. I know she wont because we have talked about it and tried to work at it but nothing changes.

Heres the hard part though. breaking up would probably destroy her and I definatly dont wanna see her hurt. I also would have to figure out where to live while im at school and possibly transfer schools. I just feel like it would dissapoint alot of people like my parents who realy like her.

Im just so confused and torn.

 

[lanky189]

live your life for you, noone else.... don't concern yourself with your parents feelings when its you who will hafta spend the rest of your life with that person..and possibly miserable

Get it over with if it must be over...shake your life up a bit...there's nothing worse than breaking up with a long time girlfriend and then keeping on with the same old routine...the only way to get over it fast/successfully is to change your whole life up.
Break up with her.. transfer schools if you must...but def. find elsewhere to live at the least...
be strong.. you may thing she's gonna fall apart...but she'll be better off too in the end..make sure her best friends are gonna be around...then let the hammer fall and dissappear from her life...permanently... if your concerned with her well being..it is best not to exist to her at all.. you will only serve as a bad memory and a painful reminder.


good luck.. be strong... your supra brothers are with you.

 

[socc924]

Thanks man. I guess that is what I should do, and I know it. It just makes me sick to think about stuff like her dropping out of shcool and ruining her life. And the summer coming up would probably be a good time so we have time to work out arrangements and everthing. Thanks again

 

[isnms]

my words of wisdom to you...NEXT


and everything lanky said. it's going to hurt, both of you, but you'll both get through it.
are you happy, happy with her, with the way she is, can live with that? there's your answer

 

[Squid699]

don't sacrifice YOUR happiness for someone elses......you said yourself that it won't work. If you don't have a chance to be happy, it's not worth makin her happy. You have to be selfish sometimes to survive.

 

[GrimJack]

There's some good advice in this thread. Pay attention.

 

[heavyearly87t]

I am old. I remember a girlfriend I had that sounded like yours. And I remember the pain I thought I was going to cause her. I remember worrying about being thought as a a$$hole by her & friends & family.


20 years later:

I remember it did not cause chaos. It did not destroy her. I moved on with out much pain.

I can't remember her name or what she looked like.....But she was good for me to learn about what I wanted in a relationship and not to settle for second best.

(Insert one spine here)

It will be better than you think.

 

[socc924]

Thanks alot guys. I guess I just need to be a man and do what I know is right. All your opinions help me realize that Im doing the right thing.

 

[Supra Blues]

I think the above posts can be summed up in the following:

Do it as if you were taking off a bandaid from your hairy leg.

Tear it off quick. Sure its gonna hurt, but you'll get over it.

Whereas if you stay with her for the rest of your life, just imagine that bandaid being pulled off slowly.

 

[IJ.]

This IS life it's NOT a practice run you don't get a replay!

Time spent miserable isn't refunded at the end.

 

[socc924]

well... you know, leave it to me to put myself into the worst possible situation. We got into a fight last night and I finally told her that its not working out and that we cant be together. She cried for hours and is miserable. All of this seems normal and everything. But the problem is that there is still a month left to this semester and I dont have anywhere else to stay. She will probably stay the next night or two with a friend but that will only be temporary. Man this sucks

 

[Squid699]

You'll get through it. I've been homeless at school before. It will work out.

 

[cwapface]

kill her

 

[RacerXJ220]

Sounds like a failure to communicate. I do not think you two understand each other. It sounds like pride to me, either you or her, just not wanting to say you or she is getting hurt because you don't want to show it to each other. 2.5 years is quite a long time. If you think there is more there, I would recommend talking through it. Especially where you feel she is selfish... Just curious, but can you give us an example? We all go through rough times, and if she was selfish before, and during the entire time you were with her, it would explain a lot. If this is just recent, maybe she is just not ready, and she's trying to find a way to tell you, without hurting you. Being selfish is usually the sign she's not ready to commit, but doesn't openly explain it to you. Talking is aweome when it comes to solving problems in a relationship, and understanding that there is a problem that must be identified.

She wanted you to break it up with her. Maybe she feels like she's not worthy to be with you. Who knows, you gotta talk about it if you want it to work. Just because you don't know what else to do, doesn't always mean to break up ya know.

As far as there being other fish in the sea, I agree with that. But when you find that someone that makes you feel alive everyday, do your best to keep it. True love does exist, but it comes with the same basic needs that every relationship is based on.

HTHs you.

 

[RacerXJ220]

Another thing, I think you are just mad/angry right now. Being confused sometimes tends to do that. Get rid of the anger, it won't help you in this situation.

You say she's nasty??? What are you talking about? Smelling bad is one thing, but if she's got some other guy on the side, that's definately terms to get some space in between you two. What's going on?!

Also, do not worry about your parents. They may like her, but the LOVE you (you are their child). They put themselves in your shoes, and want you to make positive decisions on your own. If you tell them what's going on, they can offer advice too. It's up to you, and they know it too. They should support you.

 

[socc924]

One of the most recent examples was when she found out 2 of my friends (a couple) arent going to be able to make it to her birthday party. I can understand why this might bother her but she was way to mad about it. They cant make it because its at least a 4 hours drive for them and they have work saturday and monday and they cant take any more time off of work. Plus they are going to florida the next weekend to celebrate one of their birthdays. When I told her she said she hates my friends, that they arent her friends at all and that she doesnt want to hang out with them ever again. She honestly wont go see my friends anymore and thats a pretty big problem because they are my best friends and I dont have many other ones.

A few days later I was at a party with my friends and didnt realize it when I got dressed, but my t-shirt shrunk and I looked rediculous. There were some jokes and I told one of my best friends that if she didnt like it she could go get me another one from my friends house. She wound up going to K-Mart and picked up 3 of us guys stupid shirts one said S.W.A.T. (my Butt) another said Staff (infection) and the other Tickle my Pickle. They were stupid and cheesy but real funny at the time. But when I went to see my girlfriend the next day and told her about it she was pissed. She started ranting about how my friends have to show off all their money becuase we are poor college students.I just think that my friends have been great with the fact that they are working full time jobs while we dont make much working part-time and going to school.

These really are the tip of the iceburg. And when I try to have a deep conversation with her about our issues and stuff she doesnt want anything to do with it and somehow always turns it into a fight.

Its just that she has no limits or self control when she gets angry. I have to completely control myself when we get in an arguement because if I even talk in a tone she doesnt like she will screem at me. Te other night I was trying to talk to her about why she is feeling the way she is and she just kept getting so defensive. She got so angry and was yelling so loud that the security came up to make sure that "The girl that was screaming was alright" and to ask us to quiet down. I just feel like later in life Im going to stop trying to hold myself back and we will constantly get into screaming matches.

Your right... it has been a failure to communicate. but It wasnt always like this. We used to talk about this stuff alot and she knows that she has anger issues. She just wont do anything about them. We are going to talk after I get home from work today. I guess we will see how that goes.

 

[lanky189]

You did the right thing... better soon than later


you have a car right? Then you are never homeless... got any local friends? no doubt they'll house ya.

How far is Lyncburg, Va from ya? You got a room here man...

stay strong.. don't look back... I bet you can already feel the burden lifting...

 

[shaeff]

sounds exactly like my ex. lanky is wise, listen to him. thats almost exactly what i did w/ my ex. i've moved on. (we had gone out for 2 years) it took me a while, but when i realized i had extra time to hang out with my friends, it was well worth it.

ya gotta ditch her man. its tough, but once the storm has blown over, its nothin but smooth sailin' and sunny skies.

-shaeff

 

[Squid699]

It always seems the worst when you can't see the other side of your obstacle. When you DO get on the other side it's all that much better. Man up and do what is best for YOU. You can survive without her. You have friends, I'm sure. Don't be afraid to avail them of their couches for a place to crash.

 

[supraman7mgte]

Do what's best for you,if she gets hurt,so sowwy.If you stay,YOU'LL be sorry!