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Thread: You know you're Australian if.....

  1. #1
    Grumpy Old Man
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    Default You know you're Australian if.....

    You know the meaning of 'girt'

    You believe that stubbies can either be worn or drunk

    You think it is normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin

    You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse

    You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden

    When you hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder how often and with whom

    You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds

    You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'

    You pronounce Penrith as 'Pen-riff'

    You believe the 'L' in the word ' Australia ' is optional

    You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas'

    You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep

    You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'

    You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place

    You believe is makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin

    You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'

    You believe that cooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast spread

    You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis

    You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says 'cobber'

    You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again'

    You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year

    You still don't get why the 'Labor' in 'Australian Labor Party' is not spelt with a 'U

    You wear ugh boots outside the house

    You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them

    Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language

    You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is always polite

    You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasions via your nose

    You understand that 'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'

    You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle

    Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules of beach cricket

    You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'

    You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'

    When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit

    You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered

    You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction

    When working at a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer

    You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second

    You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.

  2. #2
    xistant
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    Default Re: You know you're Australian if.....

    you must be bored :P
    lag just lets the emo's cry longer
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    EPIC Fail of the year award.

  3. #3
    That Aussie Chick
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    Default Re: You know you're Australian if.....

    Quote Originally Posted by Xistant View Post
    you must be bored :P
    x2



    But seeing as I'm bored at work trying to pass time till 5:30, here are some more from an email I got a few years back:

    - You know that Burger King doesn’t exist. It’s Hungry Jacks.

    - You know that snow is a memorable and freakish occurrence. Sometimes it’s even fake.

    - You know that while we call our friends ‘mates’, we don’t use terms like ’sheila’ and ’shrimp on the barbie’, contrary to popular belief.

    - You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes like shit. But we let the world think we do. Because we can.

    - You know that Sydney 2000 was one of our proudest moments in history. We just fucking rock.

    - We know that the Metric system will always be better than anything inches, feet, pounds and fahrenheit will ever offer.

    - If you’re a pedestrian and cars are stopped at a red light, you will fearlessly cross the street in front of them. ‘Hit and runs’ just aren’t cricket. Because Aussies stick together.

    - You know that New Zealanders are basically our naive country cousins, who have a weird fush-and-chups accent and, for some bizare reason, think that they invented pavlova. They are to be pitied. They have no hope of gaining the upper hand in the endless sporting rivalry between our two nations.

    - You know that you can’t eat Fantales alone… Otherwise who will you play the ‘Who am I…’ game with when you’re reading the wrapper?

    - You know that Sydney should be the capital, because Canberra is a hole.

    - You know that the barbeque is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the salad.

    - You know what fairy bread tastes like, and you can’t imagine your childhood without it.

    - You’ve drank your tea/coffee/milo through a Tim Tam.

    - You know that we are home to the just about all of the world’s deadliest of animals. That’s why if anybody messes with us we’ll get some funnel webs on their asses.

    - You know what trop-fest is and it makes you happy.

    - Sausage rolls and meat pies. End of story.

    - You firmly believe that in the end, everything will be ok and have offered advice that included the words, “she’ll be right, mate”.

    - You have a story that somehow involves an excessive consumption of booze… but you can’t remember.

    - You own a Bond’s chesty. In several different colours.

    - You’ve ordered a steak the size as your head and only paid $5 at your local RSL.

    - You know that Italy should never have been granted that fateful kick in the 2006 Soccer World Cup.

    - You know how to slip, slop, slap like it’s nobody’s business.

    - You know that the value of a public holiday is measured in terms of alchohol. God bless the queen and her 4-day birthday.

    - You know there’s no lbw in backyard cricket, and over the fence is out.

    - You've mimicked Alf Stewart from the TV show Home and Away's broad, Australian accent, eg. "push off, ya flamin' drongo !"

    - You've had an argument with your mate over whether Ford or Holden makes the better car !

    - You've done the "hot sand" dance at the beach while running from the ocean back to your towel.

    - You know who Ray Martin is !

    - You've been to a day-nighter cricket match and screamed out incomprehensibly until your throat went raw.

    - You've risked attending an outdoor music festival on the hottest day of the year.

    - You've tried to hang off a clothesline while pretending you can fly.

    - You own a pair of thongs for everyday use, and another pair of "dress thongs" for special occasions.

    - You call soccer soccer, not football.

    - You've squeezed Vegemite through vita wheat to make little Vegemite worms.

    - You realise that lifeguards are the only people who can get away with wearing Speedos.

    - You know the oath of mateship can never be limited by geographical distance.

    Epic build is on hold whilst I try and finish my degrees... Only 12 more months of hell to go!

  4. #4
    TEAM BHG 247
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    Default Re: You know you're Australian if.....

    you know your australian when you buy a can of "Gloss" black spraypaint to paint your work boots to get into the local RSL

  5. #5
    Boobs/Boost, my favorite
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    Default Re: You know you're Australian if.....

    Am I the only one that read this with an Australian accent in my head..?

    alas, I don't know any of these but it's fun to see how different cultures identify themselves..
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  6. #6
    Lurker
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    Default Re: You know you're Australian if.....

    Lol a few of them are universal.

    the wagon wheel has definately got smaller. And its not because you have grown up and your hand is bigger.

    Kylie will always be the bird who was in neighbours.

    and train timetables are works of fiction
    In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.

  7. #7
    That Aussie Chick
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    Default Re: You know you're Australian if.....

    Quote Originally Posted by briggsy View Post
    you know your australian when you buy a can of "Gloss" black spraypaint to paint your work boots to get into the local RSL
    An also to wear them to a wedding




    Epic build is on hold whilst I try and finish my degrees... Only 12 more months of hell to go!

  8. #8
    Pronounced Tek-DAY-us
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    Default Re: You know you're Australian if.....

    Quote Originally Posted by RazoE View Post
    Am I the only one that read this with an Australian accent in my head..? alas, I don't know any of these but it's fun to see how different cultures identify themselves..
    Yes, some of these are hilarious, yet so many make no sense to me! I gotta visit this place in the future. I use to work for a couple of young Aussie franchise owners who tried to open up a Cash Converters store up here in a lame part of town. The buyer was so stressed out after each day of work that he would have to suck back a large number of bong hits just to chill out.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: You know you're Australian if.....

    Quote Originally Posted by tekdeus View Post
    Yes, some of these are hilarious, yet so many make no sense to me! I
    These are all so universally understood in Aus, that it seems incomprehensible that there are people in countries who don't understand them...

    Not having a go at ya, but never considered there could be such different upbringings.

  10. #10
    Supramania Regular
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    Default Re: You know you're Australian if.....


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