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More Home buying bullshit

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So as I type this, We (My bank) has missed 2 out of 2 closing dates we have set. The 17th of last week and today the 24th, now we are shooting for a 3rd date of some time next week. Why? Well, because it seems the mortgage industry butt fucked itself so well by giving out people who had a Mcdonalds salary, $500,000 home loans. Now scared shitless to give out a mortgage to anyone else, even if they completely and overwhelmingly can handle it.

I've got more than the required 4% down payment, I can pay closing, I have a very good credit score (780) and I'm only borrowing $88k to buy a house that was apparised buy the apparaser that they hired for $150,000...So what's holding the closing back? Two "undocumented" deposits, from car parts I've sold OVER 8 MONTHS AGO! One for $1,000 and the other for $560...Hopefully creating documentation, to show that the $1,500 wasn't from selling a brick of coke, that the underwriter will now sign off on this and I can start working on my house....

So word to new home buyers, be prepared to have your entire financial history picked over like you're hiding illegal contraband up your ass at the airport, they will find something, and it's going to be complete bullshit.

-The End.

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  1. magic rat's Avatar
    Hey Mario, You are experiencing the samre thing most of us have when buying that first home, regardless of when. I went throught the same BS 30 years ago. I am actually going to buy another home in the next few months and I just let my wife handle it cuz I would lose my temper real quick and just make someone else angry.

    It is unreal how they can concentrate on a cash deposit that you know is legit and you feel should be no problem. I learned long ago, from my own experience and from my clientle: If you get a large amount of cash, don't do anything that will create a paper trail. I once took out $900 from a savings account to buy something, don't remember what, but I didn't buy it, I spent $300 and then re-deposited the other $600 and I swear, I thought they were going to call the IRS for a full audit!

    My wife and I have owned a small business for 30 years. In the early years, we would pocket a little cash here and there if we recieved it for hand printed invoices. As time went by, we became paranoid and quit doing that. I still have a lot of customers that I know don't report huge amounts of cash. If you look at what we do, before any write offs, .48 cents of every dollar we earn goes somewhere but our pockets, so can you blame any business person for wanting to hide cash?

    You'll get through this crap and will know what to look out for next time, and can advise your friends and family. Just remember also, it isn't just the mortgage industry that will stick a probe up your ass. In finances your always guilty till proven innocent.

    Good luck and enjoy your new home. You getting a hell of a deal. I unfortunatley, am on the other end of that deal with 2 houses we spent a ton of cash on remodeling right before this "adjustment" period.
  2. te72's Avatar
    Something I learned dating an underwriter a long while back... it's a rare thing if they have all their marbles in the right jar.
  3. SupraMario's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by magic rat
    Hey Mario, You are experiencing the samre thing most of us have when buying that first home, regardless of when. I went throught the same BS 30 years ago. I am actually going to buy another home in the next few months and I just let my wife handle it cuz I would lose my temper real quick and just make someone else angry.

    It is unreal how they can concentrate on a cash deposit that you know is legit and you feel should be no problem. I learned long ago, from my own experience and from my clientle: If you get a large amount of cash, don't do anything that will create a paper trail. I once took out $900 from a savings account to buy something, don't remember what, but I didn't buy it, I spent $300 and then re-deposited the other $600 and I swear, I thought they were going to call the IRS for a full audit!

    My wife and I have owned a small business for 30 years. In the early years, we would pocket a little cash here and there if we recieved it for hand printed invoices. As time went by, we became paranoid and quit doing that. I still have a lot of customers that I know don't report huge amounts of cash. If you look at what we do, before any write offs, .48 cents of every dollar we earn goes somewhere but our pockets, so can you blame any business person for wanting to hide cash?

    You'll get through this crap and will know what to look out for next time, and can advise your friends and family. Just remember also, it isn't just the mortgage industry that will stick a probe up your ass. In finances your always guilty till proven innocent.

    Good luck and enjoy your new home. You getting a hell of a deal. I unfortunatley, am on the other end of that deal with 2 houses we spent a ton of cash on remodeling right before this "adjustment" period.
    Wow, yea haven't heard anything from them this morning. GL on the new next house to you as well. I'm being as patient as possible with these people, but I'm starting to get extremely pissed at these people.


    Quote Originally Posted by te72
    Something I learned dating an underwriter a long while back... it's a rare thing if they have all their marbles in the right jar.
    rofl, that's not good to know...
  4. Supracentral's Avatar
    As mentioned, this is pretty typical bullshit in the home mortgage underwriting industry for standard mortgages. Back before things fell apart, you could get "no documentation" or "low documentation" loans and pay a slightly higher percentage, but not anymore.

    Quote Originally Posted by te72
    Something I learned dating an underwriter a long while back... it's a rare thing if they have all their marbles in the right jar.
    Yea, I suspect that's pretty common with them, they ask the most idiotic questions.
  5. SupraMario's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Supracentral
    As mentioned, this is pretty typical bullshit in the home mortgage underwriting industry for standard mortgages. Back before things fell apart, you could get "no documentation" or "low documentation" loans and pay a slightly higher percentage, but not anymore.



    Yea, I suspect that's pretty common with them, they ask the most idiotic questions.
    Wow, I can see if it was something like this, but this is a basic 30 year mortgage loan. This has been a hell of a trip though, at least I know what to expect next time.
  6. te72's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Supracentral
    Yea, I suspect that's pretty common with them, they ask the most idiotic questions.
    Surprisingly, this gal was pretty smart, all told. Was a chemistry major... fun times while that lasted.

    Mario, you'll have to update this on how the colonoscopy with the bank goes...
  7. SupraMario's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by te72
    Mario, you'll have to update this on how the colonoscopy with the bank goes...
    Yea, I'm hoping they have everything in order, tomorrow at noon is supposed to be the closing date for this week...we shall see how that goes.
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