You know you're Australian if.....

IJ.

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You know the meaning of 'girt'

You believe that stubbies can either be worn or drunk

You think it is normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin

You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse

You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden

When you hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder how often and with whom

You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds

You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'

You pronounce Penrith as 'Pen-riff'

You believe the 'L' in the word ' Australia ' is optional

You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas'

You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep

You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'

You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place

You believe is makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin

You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'

You believe that cooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast spread

You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis

You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says 'cobber'

You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again'

You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year

You still don't get why the 'Labor' in 'Australian Labor Party' is not spelt with a 'U

You wear ugh boots outside the house

You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them

Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language

You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is always polite

You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasions via your nose

You understand that 'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'

You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle

Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules of beach cricket

You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'

You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'

When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit

You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered

You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction

When working at a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer

You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second

You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.
 

LilMissMkIII

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you must be bored :p
x2 :icon_razz



But seeing as I'm bored at work trying to pass time till 5:30, here are some more from an email I got a few years back:

- You know that Burger King doesn’t exist. It’s Hungry Jacks.

- You know that snow is a memorable and freakish occurrence. Sometimes it’s even fake.

- You know that while we call our friends ‘mates’, we don’t use terms like ’sheila’ and ’shrimp on the barbie’, contrary to popular belief.

- You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes like shit. But we let the world think we do. Because we can.

- You know that Sydney 2000 was one of our proudest moments in history. We just fucking rock.

- We know that the Metric system will always be better than anything inches, feet, pounds and fahrenheit will ever offer.

- If you’re a pedestrian and cars are stopped at a red light, you will fearlessly cross the street in front of them. ‘Hit and runs’ just aren’t cricket. Because Aussies stick together.

- You know that New Zealanders are basically our naive country cousins, who have a weird fush-and-chups accent and, for some bizare reason, think that they invented pavlova. They are to be pitied. They have no hope of gaining the upper hand in the endless sporting rivalry between our two nations.

- You know that you can’t eat Fantales alone… Otherwise who will you play the ‘Who am I…’ game with when you’re reading the wrapper?

- You know that Sydney should be the capital, because Canberra is a hole.

- You know that the barbeque is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the salad.

- You know what fairy bread tastes like, and you can’t imagine your childhood without it.

- You’ve drank your tea/coffee/milo through a Tim Tam.

- You know that we are home to the just about all of the world’s deadliest of animals. That’s why if anybody messes with us we’ll get some funnel webs on their asses.

- You know what trop-fest is and it makes you happy.

- Sausage rolls and meat pies. End of story.

- You firmly believe that in the end, everything will be ok and have offered advice that included the words, “she’ll be right, mate”.

- You have a story that somehow involves an excessive consumption of booze… but you can’t remember.

- You own a Bond’s chesty. In several different colours.

- You’ve ordered a steak the size as your head and only paid $5 at your local RSL.

- You know that Italy should never have been granted that fateful kick in the 2006 Soccer World Cup.

- You know how to slip, slop, slap like it’s nobody’s business.

- You know that the value of a public holiday is measured in terms of alchohol. God bless the queen and her 4-day birthday.

- You know there’s no lbw in backyard cricket, and over the fence is out.

- You've mimicked Alf Stewart from the TV show Home and Away's broad, Australian accent, eg. "push off, ya flamin' drongo !"

- You've had an argument with your mate over whether Ford or Holden makes the better car !

- You've done the "hot sand" dance at the beach while running from the ocean back to your towel.

- You know who Ray Martin is !

- You've been to a day-nighter cricket match and screamed out incomprehensibly until your throat went raw.

- You've risked attending an outdoor music festival on the hottest day of the year.

- You've tried to hang off a clothesline while pretending you can fly.

- You own a pair of thongs for everyday use, and another pair of "dress thongs" for special occasions.

- You call soccer soccer, not football.

- You've squeezed Vegemite through vita wheat to make little Vegemite worms.

- You realise that lifeguards are the only people who can get away with wearing Speedos.

- You know the oath of mateship can never be limited by geographical distance.
 

briggsy

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you know your australian when you buy a can of "Gloss" black spraypaint to paint your work boots to get into the local RSL
 

RazoE

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Am I the only one that read this with an Australian accent in my head..?:D

alas, I don't know any of these but it's fun to see how different cultures identify themselves..
 

MK-111

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Lol a few of them are universal.

the wagon wheel has definately got smaller. And its not because you have grown up and your hand is bigger.

Kylie will always be the bird who was in neighbours.

and train timetables are works of fiction
 

tekdeus

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Am I the only one that read this with an Australian accent in my head..?:D alas, I don't know any of these but it's fun to see how different cultures identify themselves..
Yes, some of these are hilarious, yet so many make no sense to me! I gotta visit this place in the future. I use to work for a couple of young Aussie franchise owners who tried to open up a Cash Converters store up here in a lame part of town. The buyer was so stressed out after each day of work that he would have to suck back a large number of bong hits just to chill out. :biglaugh:
 

easylift

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Yes, some of these are hilarious, yet so many make no sense to me! I
These are all so universally understood in Aus, that it seems incomprehensible that there are people in countries who don't understand them...

Not having a go at ya, but never considered there could be such different upbringings.
 

paradox616

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there are no lies, i lived in the middle of the Bush for ages and no one there talks like that either...

You know your Australian if you think beer only comes in full strength....
 

wiseco7mgt

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Hahaha no in fact you are wrong, i lived in a town called roma growing up, which is inland about 6-7 hours from brisbane. The old farmers there seemed to always refer to women as sheilas and they have a accent thats different from people in the city as well. Good place to get drunk and go shooting, but i wouldn't live there again.
-You know your australian if you think stopping beside the road and taking a piss in front of passing cars is normal, it's even polite to wave as they toot there horn.
- when you have to get off the road and walk on the grass because your thongs are melting to the bitumen.
-when your bike gets a puncture for the 10th time in a year because it has a "goat head" stuck in it.
-when you play tackle footy on the oval even though its just dirt and rocks and still love it.
-when just taking a dump in the outhouse means first checking for redbacks or brown snakes before sitting down.
-when you know who "Hughsey" is.
-when visiting your next door neighbour may mean driveing for 400klms
 

suprarx7nut

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I know so little about Australia. I could barely understand half of those.

I really want to visit sometime. Party at Ian's or Kristel's? ;)
 

FIL

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You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says 'cobber'

I dunno about that... I got a few mates (one in particular) who do use cobber, and frequently.... and I dare anyone to call him unAustralian :)
 

isnms

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You have a pet wallaby...sorry that was Indiana
but I hear they make nice crop circles :)
 

wiseco7mgt

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You have a pet wallaby...sorry that was Indiana
but I hear they make nice crop circles :)
They make a great pet, although i think it's illegal without a permit. If you shoot a mother and find she has a baby in her pouch you can pull it out and it will follow you around and think your it's new parent, kinda dumb fact but there you have it.lol.
Wonder if the wallabies became addicted to the exotic food.?
 

pnutcar

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This thread is awesome. I can get some of the phrases but some are totally in left field for me.

Do you guys make fun of ppl who say "the dingo ate my baby" lol

I will hopefully make it down under soon. I served @ Outback steakhouse all thru college :p
 

LilMissMkIII

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Outback Steakhouse has good food, but is WAY OTT when it comes to the Aussie stereotypes
 

wiseco7mgt

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This thread is awesome. I can get some of the phrases but some are totally in left field for me.

Do you guys make fun of ppl who say "the dingo ate my baby" lol

I will hopefully make it down under soon. I served @ Outback steakhouse all thru college :p
The "dingo ate my baby" joke is pretty old, so you'd probably just get an odd look.lol. Go camping on Fraser Island just off queenslands coastline and you might want to watch your baby at all times, even near water. We've had quite a few attacks lately and many have been culled. I hate dingoes!
 

gteduck

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-no matter what time of day it is, it's after 12 0'clock somewhere in the world, so technically it's o.k to have a beer
-when a mate says he had a big night on the piss, it means someone was serving free beer at a function and he did his best to cosume all of said piss.
-you can make a bong from any number of object's bought at the local shop in a matter of minutes
-you know a designated driver is only there to tell everyone else what happened last night
-you know a designated driver's only other responability is to do beer runs
-you know that camping under trees is avoided due to attacking drop-bears not by falling limbs (cousin of the koala that drops out of trees at night and attacks people):rofl:
-you know hair of the dog is the only way to get rid of a hangover
-you know tomato sauce goes with everything
-you know FORD stands for Fcuked On Race Day
-you know exactly how to clap your hands after the crowd chant YOU GOIN HOME IN THE BACK OF THE DIPPY VAN !
-you know that running out of beer at a bbq is far more likely to annoy people than running out of food
 
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FIL

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Outback Steakhouse has good food, but is WAY OTT when it comes to the Aussie stereotypes
I wanted to go to one while we were in the states to find out what an "Aussie Sized Beer" was....

Also, I must say that I like how they have quaesadilla's and sangria on their menu, when most of the Aussies I know, have never heard of either... :)

also.. kookaburra wings, which i suspect taste a lot like chicken :)

meanwhile, not a mention of kangaroo, emu, crocodile or camel meat, which i would have thought would be their signature lines....

Anyway, as I said, we wanted to go, but they were closed when we turned up for a late lunch, so we went to Hooters down the road instead :)
 

LilMissMkIII

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FIL - Hooters wings are THE BEST!!!!!!

Outback is definitely worth a go, food is awesome, and you'll laugh at all the Aussie paraphernalia! :)
 

FIL

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yeah... hooters was good... we don't have hooters, outback steakhouse or krispy kremes in perth yet, but we had hooters and kk in the states, will have to try outback next time as well... :)
 

te72

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meanwhile, not a mention of kangaroo, emu, crocodile or camel meat, which i would have thought would be their signature lines....
You can EAT those things there? Sweet! Good post, even if it is like a year or so old now, glad I saw it. :)
 

FIL

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I've eaten Kangaroo and Emu, and Kangaroo meat is the most readily available of the lot, so I eat it relatively frequently... The other 2, I haven't tried yet...
 

PCguylovesSupra

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You know your American and you think you know all about Australian....

You think all Australian's are like Crocodile Dundee.
You think all Australian's carry and say "Now that's a knife"
You think all Australians drink Foster Beer.
You think the outback is a restaurant and not actually meaning the bush.
You think hearing bush gets you hard and not thinking about Australia
You think all Australians have a friend called Donk.